Gas Attack By Lentil

 

GAS ATTACK BY LENTIL !!!!!!!!

Twelve & A Half Weeks Till Christmas

At 2am this morning, I woke in a mild sweat. What was worrying me was that I have all the ingredients for the Christmas cakes camping downstairs and the fruits had been sat in Brandy for several days already. I realised that there's only 12 1/2 weeks to go till Christmas. Unable to sleep, I ventured into the cool ambiance of the kitchen, recipe in hand, and I started on the Christmas cakes, helped by next door's cat, who has a habit of scratting on the back kitchen door at odd hours. 

The recipe that I use is very much a standard, but with a few Wuffinga tweaks. As well as the mixed peel, I also use an equivalent amount of glace ginger as well as using a small amount of cocoa powder which gives the cakes a lovely rich, unctuous, flavour.

I managed to get them in the oven for about half past three, and they had finished baking just before breakfast. Here are the two cakes which resulted. After cooling these will be wrapped and will not see the light of day except for when more Brandy is added (I call this doping) during the run up to Christmas.       

The Orchestrated Auditoria of Pixicality

Tomorrow is the deadline for submissions to the Nottingham Castle Contemporary Open Art Exhibition. This year I have decided to give a preview of a work that I am submitting which has concentrated the mind for some months, drawing on simple household objects to express rebirth and reclaimed longevity with in a histiographic frame work.

  'The Orchestrated Auditoria Of Pixicality'    £7800

 
This work orchestrates the intervention of rebirth whilst resonating with geometric forms, proposing a fancifulicous deprecating fallacious destiny juxtaposing a withering desperate needfulness to accrue sustainable enablement scenarios through contemporary practi.

Only 13 1/2 Weeks To Go !

I was looking at the calendar this morning and if my sums are correct its only thirteen and a half weeks to Christmas. I am on schedule as I have listed the ingredients for my cake and pudding, the next thing is to shop for the ingredients and remove the spiders out of the cake tins. Some people may think that I am a bit early, but to me waiting for 'Stir Up Sunday', the last Sunday before advent, is too late. It just doesn't give enough time to absorb all the cognac required for the cake to mature.

Every year I look forward to the Christmas supplements, guides and planners that are produced by various newspapers and magazines. All there to make your Christmas that much simpler and easy. So over the next thirteen and half weeks I hope to help with my own Wuffinga guide. Todays tip is to set forth and make the vol-au-vent cases and put in the freezer, the number of course is dependant on how many parties you are hosting over the Christmas period. Its also useful to make the base for the pomegranate jam at this point to go with the' Hickory Smoked Sprout and Pomegranate Canapés'

Shop Early For Christmas

On my amble through the curiosities made available from the various charity shops, looking for unconsidered trifles and treasure, I did notice that lots of space had been put over to the Christmas card. As its only early September I am a bit surprised by this, but on questioning one of the shop workers I was informed that this was quite normal and some shops have Christmas cards in august. I do understand that spreading the cost of the Christmas extravaganza across a longer period  is a good idea, so being able to buy Easter eggs from the 5th November seems like a good thing too.

So I started to think about how cheap can you get a Christmas dinner. After a bit of research on the Net, I found Crimbo dinner in a box for £1.49. According to the review it did not seem very nice, but then what would you expect for that price. Oh! and it still took fifty minutes to cook from frozen. I think up marketing the whole experience with the monster nugget bag and plastic holly is the way to go.

But this experience has reminded me to make a list for the Christmas cake and pudding ingredients, a process that I do enjoy and all that tradition of making a wish while stirring the mix.

Smoking Buggy Greenhouse

I am slowly recovering from the cold that I contracted a few days ago. It has got to that point of barking like a terrier during the night and the wheezy chest, but not bad enough to stop me going for my early morning walk. This mornings route past the cemetery and down the hill to the precinct was quiet and uneventful, until coming towards me at a very sedate pace, was a buggy with a large polythene green house type structure on board. Apart from a bit of wobble due to the wind being quite strong, the occupant seemed happy and protected from the weather with the added bonus that he could enjoy his cigarette in comfort with out annoying anybody else.

Safari

I have felt a bit grim this last couple of days. This thick head, sore throat and general feeling of unwellness came on just after I had been to the charity shop where I bought my new furry mate 'Hammie' along with his wheel. I did notice at the time that the atmosphere in the shop was very humid, stuffy and slightly greasy, with that undertone of old plimsolls that had been in the gym bag too long. I suppose I could have contracted hamster flu or wheelie-itus but I think it was probably from the crowd searching for bargains.

I was cheered up this morning by receiving the above postcard from my mate who is at present doing a mobility scooter safari down the east coast. The reason for locating himself on the east coast is that per capita there are many more buggies than elsewhere, therefore it is easier to get charging points with accommodation and in the event of a break down its quicker to get spares. Also the isles in supermarkets are  generally wider which a makes buying baguettes and croissants for the days journey a lot simpler. Having a great time wish you were here....

Hamster On Wheel Found In Charity Shop.

Yesterday I was passing a charity shop and this furry little beastie sitting on a bright red exercise wheel was in the window. He looked quite perky and the wheel was stationary, so I assumed he was having a rest. The assistant in the shop said that he had been there for some time and needed a good home, so I paid the grand sum of fifty pence and carried my new friend and his wheel back to the studio. I then Fitted two AA batteries to the wheel, as this little fellow is not real and needs assistance to get the wheel to move.

Watch this space for the forthcoming video.

Brassica Threatens Planet. Conclusion.

'Mission Brassica' has come to a successful and happy conclusion. The cauli of doom has missed the earth and the moon. The craft carrying the crew involved in the mission landed safely, but unfortunately it was low tide so it was more of a dull thud than a big splash. The worlds media were to descend on the town of Bridlington but there was no where for them to stay as all the accommodation was fully booked due to it being bank holiday week. A beacon was to be lit in celebration but the matches were damp so this had to be postponed.

The astrochefs and chainsaw experts have been awarded the 'Order of the Purple Sprout', and will receive free vegetables for life, as a thank you for their outstanding bravery and achievement for saving the planet from destruction. Commander Green leader of the mission said 'it could have been a lot tougher- lets hope we do not ever have to deal with a large turnip'!