Brassica Threatens Planet .4.

Today has been very busy  for those involved in  'Mission brassica'. The astrochefs and chainsaw experts had to stop work as they were exhausted and stocks of ice-cream were running low. After a short rest the crew started to prepare for there return to earth. Splash down will be in the North Sea off Flamborough head this afternoon in time for tea and scones.

Mission control has reported that The cauli of doom has been successfully diverted off its course and will miss the earth and hopefully not hit the moon, which could cause a devastating cauliflower cheese cloud if this was to happen. 

Brassica Threatens Planet .3.

 

The rocket undertaking 'Mission Brassica' was successfully launched today as planned. We have just been informed that the rocket has landed safely on the cauli and the crew are in the process of removing various parts of the greenery and some of the florets. This is hot and demanding work requiring great skill as the stability of the cauli is unpredictable. To assist in the comfort and refreshment of the crew they have been provided with iced tea and toasted teacakes with lashings of butter and jam. Calvados and raisin ice cream has also been provided.

 

These are anxious times, but the trade in deep fried potato products in the harbour area of Bridlington has not abated due to the sunny weather. A local man said, 'that it was better not to think about the possible impending doom and we should just carry on as normal'.

 

Brassica Threatens Planet .2.

After yesterdays realisation that the world is in imminent threat of being broadsided by a large cauliflower, and even though today is August bank holiday, various technical experts and engineers have been contacted. Sunning themselves on the beach and eating ice cream had to stop to prepare a rocket for launch. A spokesperson from the Fraisethorpe Astro Drome launch site said that a team of astrochefs and chainsaw professionals were also getting ready.

The ECO friendly rocket powered by waste chip oil from the near by resort of Bridlington, will be due to launch at midday tomorrow.  "Mission Brassica" will hopefully be the solution to the impending annihilation, the rocket is intended  to land on the stalk of the cauli,  where the crew will commence removing some of the outer leaves and florets, which should hopefully change its course.

Gargantuan Brassica Threatens Planet

It has recently come to my notice that a major sprout shower has been seen in the southern sky over Bridlington at approximately 0300 am this morning, August Bank Boxing Day Thursday Eve. Watchers who have studied these extraordinary events are reasonably certain that a large cauliflower may be hidden by the intensity of the sprout shower and is travelling to earth at some speed. A local to the area said, "This is a worrying development as the wife and I are expected to be at a boiled beef and carrot luncheon tomorrow with lots of other discerning foodie types".

Experts in the field of cauli-like brassica are of the opinion that it may not hit for some weeks. A spokesperson said that it will be sometime before the exact location of impact can be ascertained and not to panic buy goods such as gravy granules and other fine comestibles.