Christmas Fairs

I do like a good rummage, and yesterday Madame and I decided to go into town to discover the delights of fairs, various. The Quality Craft Fair held in a splendid gallery is well worth  a visit even if its just for the coffee that they serve in the gallery café, no Frothy Fucciato here. The craft was as described with jewellery makers, potters, printers and makers of decorative textiles. But unfortunately no blacksmiths, furniture makers, glass blowers or cobblers. This fair does attract  an interesting clientele, quite a number of the browsers were moderately affluent, well scrubbed types, with good clothes, thin verging on the anorexic and with massive buggies for the one or two puppies. They were generally well behaved.

Moving on to the Vintage Fair near by, a far more jolly set up with allsorts of stuff that I grew up with. So perhaps I need to think of myself as vintage. Lots of chintz and frill combined with the Oxo tins, cake stands, Robin starch boxes and the teak G Plan coffee table, made me feel quite nostalgic.
The customers seemed much older and more eccentric than those at the craft fair but then perhaps that is the nature of vintage, green Homburg and a peach and green check suite.

We decided to take a detour on the way back home and visit the Christmas Wonderland and Market which is situated in the middle of the town. Bad mistake! What seemed like thousands of people all going nowhere, a sea of serious faces trying to do there Crimbo (or should that be cram-bo) shopping and not getting very far. Consequently we did not stop long and when the opportunity arose we managed to escape via a gap in the German sausage queue adjacent to the people to see Santa skate the path to grotto land.

Black Friday + One

After a planning meeting at breakfast yesterday, we decided to go to the post office late morning and then head across town to the auction rooms to the viewing. The timing of this was crucial, so that we would hopefully miss the congestion of the thousands flocking to the Bleak Friday event. We arrived  at the auction house car park as planned with the Blue Danube playing on the radio, I pointed out to Lady Wuffinga that it was written by Strauss but I could not remember which one, she said, "was it Joanne?" I pointed out that I did not know whether there was a lady Strauss involved in composing!

On the way back from looking at unconsidered trifles and boxes of various at the auction, the sun was at its highest, a beautiful but coolish autumn day, by this time the radio was blurting out some advert for lamb joints for £4 a kilo at some temple of retail, which was a bit disconcerting as it came after Rachmaninov's Symphony No 2. The shopping was well under way in town and with so many people flashing the bank cards under the very bright lights of all the retail emporia, and with the brightness of the sun, Card Flash can become a serious condition amongst the unwary, a bit like snow blindness for skiers. So for next years Black Friday I thought a rose tinted pair of shades would be useful allowing people to shop in comfort.

On the way back we decided to stop at Lidl for a few food related comestibles and found that the tins of butter beans had been reduced from 35p to 33p per tin, which was a nice surprise. So we saved four pence therefore black Friday was not so bad.

Black Friday Eve

It has been a while since I lasted posted, unfortunately the mother of Lady Wuffinga became unwell and needed more care and attention than usual and coupled with an upturn in work commitments time has been at a premium. Now that the matriarch is a bit better, Lady Wuffinga  and I are now getting back to some sort of normality - what ever that is!

I have been into town twice over the last week and on both occasions it has been very busy, I did wonder if all these people were shopping or just doing a trial run as Black Friday is on its way, sussing out the shops advertising the biggest discounts and looking at the quality of the pavements so one can get a good pitch for queuing, preferably under a shops awning or where the puddles don't collect. Getting involved with the Black Friday frenzy is not for me, as there is nothing I would like better than to sit on a cold damp pavement on a November night waiting with a load of other people so I can get a couple of quid of a 'Teasmaid'.

I have considered alternatives such as Yellow Monday or Grey Wednesday. Yellow Monday being for those who want a colourful or arty shopping experience, wearing bright cloths such as mustard chinos or willow green and sun burst red shirts, and Grey Wednesday could be for the depressed who just want to buy pan scourers and wine gums. Do these days need a colour? how about Largesse Tuesday, where the shops put all there prices up by say 25% and give the extra cash to local food banks as it is coming up to Crimbo.

Be Nice To A Seagull Today

During my life I have lived in many places that have a thriving seagull population. I like seagulls and I think they add a liveliness to seaside towns that otherwise could be quite dull. Their ability to pinch chips, raid dustbins and give a raucous orchestral cacophony is quite touching. But it's not everyone who appreciates the gulls' talents. It has been known for locals and excursionists to be disgruntled by their habits, but eating el fresco can have its disadvantages as Beaky and his mates are quite partial to chips and fish, ice cream and pies and are capable of taking such edibles when one is not looking. So seagulls do get a bad press, with some councils in East Coast fishing villages calling for culling as well as putting up signs. One of which read 'SEAGULLS PLEASE DO NOT FEED'. I know the gulls are clever but I am not sure that being conversant with the English language is one of their strengths!

We have many dates in the calendar dedicated to special days, such as No Smoking Day, Walk To Work Day, Be Nice To A Person On A Mobility Scooter Day, so why not have a day when people in seaside towns are nice to seagulls. To that end, I have drawn this reminder that we should be nice to seagulls what ever day it is.  This original illustration is available to purchase in my ARTFINDER shop.

 

 

Southwold - Some History About Bins.

Bins and Southwold go back a along way, probably as far as the late Victorians who were conscious of rubbish and public health issues. Before this time bins may not have existed as they are not mentioned in early Charters or the Domesday Book. During 1086 when  Big Bills Commissioners were compiling the great book they didn't find, or forgot to mention , various items , such as; The Pier, The lighthouse or the various Fish and Chip shops and Coffee Emporia. But old St Edmund and his monkly followers did hold Southwold as a manor which supplied the monks with various comestibles and 25000 herrings per year. So I assume from that many of these herring would be cured in some form and other fish that were caught could well have been used by the locals to enhance there income, selling the fish battered but with out the deep fried potato products as the common spud hadn't been invented yet.

Seagulls are not mentioned in the Domesday entry for Southwold which is perhaps why bins are not mentioned ; as gull proof bins would not be required. The animals listed are 30 sheep, 3 pigs, 4 cattle and a neddy which probably did not require bins for foraging. Also at this time the local rabbit population are lying low as they are not mentioned in Domesday either. But I can imagine they were there quietly digging away under the hill and in the woods and thinking about how they could cause angst amongst the population to come.

Southwold - Starving Seagulls Force Council To Buy New Bins.

For those who are unaware of the location of Southwold, it is on the Suffolk coast, between Lowestoft to the north, Sizewell and its nuclear power station to the south and lots of swamp to the west. Oh! and the North Sea to the east. It has a raised elevation giving great views and at very high tides the town becomes an island which probably suits the residents as visitors can be a bit of a nuisance.

But recently it has come to my notice that tourists and other rough excursionists are not the only problematic visitors to Southwold. The seagulls who also like to visit and are a part of the seaside landscape have been troubling the towns overseers, by redistributing the rubbish from the bins and dropping it untidily onto the prom, leaving fish skins, deep fried potato products and other unspeakable nasty's draped over cars, hedges and flower beds, also a sausage in batter was found floating in the vintage boating lake. All of this has produced an action plan by the towns overseers to purchase ten new bins which are designed to stop old beaky and his mates from getting at the rubbish.

The new bins will no doubt put the seagulls scavenging rights into jeopardy and hopefully worthy town dwellers will be moved to start an amenity group on the gulls behalf to protect there eroding right to scavenge. The new bins have been welcomed by the Akela from the local Scout group as their lads are always looking for something that can be used as temporary cricket stumps. Also a spokesperson from the Southwold Dog Walkers Society has welcomed the move as it will give extra stopping places and smells for Fido to investigate.

Gas Attack By Lentil

 

GAS ATTACK BY LENTIL !!!!!!!!

Twelve & A Half Weeks Till Christmas

At 2am this morning, I woke in a mild sweat. What was worrying me was that I have all the ingredients for the Christmas cakes camping downstairs and the fruits had been sat in Brandy for several days already. I realised that there's only 12 1/2 weeks to go till Christmas. Unable to sleep, I ventured into the cool ambiance of the kitchen, recipe in hand, and I started on the Christmas cakes, helped by next door's cat, who has a habit of scratting on the back kitchen door at odd hours. 

The recipe that I use is very much a standard, but with a few Wuffinga tweaks. As well as the mixed peel, I also use an equivalent amount of glace ginger as well as using a small amount of cocoa powder which gives the cakes a lovely rich, unctuous, flavour.

I managed to get them in the oven for about half past three, and they had finished baking just before breakfast. Here are the two cakes which resulted. After cooling these will be wrapped and will not see the light of day except for when more Brandy is added (I call this doping) during the run up to Christmas.       

The Orchestrated Auditoria of Pixicality

Tomorrow is the deadline for submissions to the Nottingham Castle Contemporary Open Art Exhibition. This year I have decided to give a preview of a work that I am submitting which has concentrated the mind for some months, drawing on simple household objects to express rebirth and reclaimed longevity with in a histiographic frame work.

  'The Orchestrated Auditoria Of Pixicality'    £7800

 
This work orchestrates the intervention of rebirth whilst resonating with geometric forms, proposing a fancifulicous deprecating fallacious destiny juxtaposing a withering desperate needfulness to accrue sustainable enablement scenarios through contemporary practi.

Only 13 1/2 Weeks To Go !

I was looking at the calendar this morning and if my sums are correct its only thirteen and a half weeks to Christmas. I am on schedule as I have listed the ingredients for my cake and pudding, the next thing is to shop for the ingredients and remove the spiders out of the cake tins. Some people may think that I am a bit early, but to me waiting for 'Stir Up Sunday', the last Sunday before advent, is too late. It just doesn't give enough time to absorb all the cognac required for the cake to mature.

Every year I look forward to the Christmas supplements, guides and planners that are produced by various newspapers and magazines. All there to make your Christmas that much simpler and easy. So over the next thirteen and half weeks I hope to help with my own Wuffinga guide. Todays tip is to set forth and make the vol-au-vent cases and put in the freezer, the number of course is dependant on how many parties you are hosting over the Christmas period. Its also useful to make the base for the pomegranate jam at this point to go with the' Hickory Smoked Sprout and Pomegranate Canapés'

Shop Early For Christmas

On my amble through the curiosities made available from the various charity shops, looking for unconsidered trifles and treasure, I did notice that lots of space had been put over to the Christmas card. As its only early September I am a bit surprised by this, but on questioning one of the shop workers I was informed that this was quite normal and some shops have Christmas cards in august. I do understand that spreading the cost of the Christmas extravaganza across a longer period  is a good idea, so being able to buy Easter eggs from the 5th November seems like a good thing too.

So I started to think about how cheap can you get a Christmas dinner. After a bit of research on the Net, I found Crimbo dinner in a box for £1.49. According to the review it did not seem very nice, but then what would you expect for that price. Oh! and it still took fifty minutes to cook from frozen. I think up marketing the whole experience with the monster nugget bag and plastic holly is the way to go.

But this experience has reminded me to make a list for the Christmas cake and pudding ingredients, a process that I do enjoy and all that tradition of making a wish while stirring the mix.

Smoking Buggy Greenhouse

I am slowly recovering from the cold that I contracted a few days ago. It has got to that point of barking like a terrier during the night and the wheezy chest, but not bad enough to stop me going for my early morning walk. This mornings route past the cemetery and down the hill to the precinct was quiet and uneventful, until coming towards me at a very sedate pace, was a buggy with a large polythene green house type structure on board. Apart from a bit of wobble due to the wind being quite strong, the occupant seemed happy and protected from the weather with the added bonus that he could enjoy his cigarette in comfort with out annoying anybody else.

Safari

I have felt a bit grim this last couple of days. This thick head, sore throat and general feeling of unwellness came on just after I had been to the charity shop where I bought my new furry mate 'Hammie' along with his wheel. I did notice at the time that the atmosphere in the shop was very humid, stuffy and slightly greasy, with that undertone of old plimsolls that had been in the gym bag too long. I suppose I could have contracted hamster flu or wheelie-itus but I think it was probably from the crowd searching for bargains.

I was cheered up this morning by receiving the above postcard from my mate who is at present doing a mobility scooter safari down the east coast. The reason for locating himself on the east coast is that per capita there are many more buggies than elsewhere, therefore it is easier to get charging points with accommodation and in the event of a break down its quicker to get spares. Also the isles in supermarkets are  generally wider which a makes buying baguettes and croissants for the days journey a lot simpler. Having a great time wish you were here....

Hamster On Wheel Found In Charity Shop.

Yesterday I was passing a charity shop and this furry little beastie sitting on a bright red exercise wheel was in the window. He looked quite perky and the wheel was stationary, so I assumed he was having a rest. The assistant in the shop said that he had been there for some time and needed a good home, so I paid the grand sum of fifty pence and carried my new friend and his wheel back to the studio. I then Fitted two AA batteries to the wheel, as this little fellow is not real and needs assistance to get the wheel to move.

Watch this space for the forthcoming video.

Brassica Threatens Planet. Conclusion.

'Mission Brassica' has come to a successful and happy conclusion. The cauli of doom has missed the earth and the moon. The craft carrying the crew involved in the mission landed safely, but unfortunately it was low tide so it was more of a dull thud than a big splash. The worlds media were to descend on the town of Bridlington but there was no where for them to stay as all the accommodation was fully booked due to it being bank holiday week. A beacon was to be lit in celebration but the matches were damp so this had to be postponed.

The astrochefs and chainsaw experts have been awarded the 'Order of the Purple Sprout', and will receive free vegetables for life, as a thank you for their outstanding bravery and achievement for saving the planet from destruction. Commander Green leader of the mission said 'it could have been a lot tougher- lets hope we do not ever have to deal with a large turnip'!

Brassica Threatens Planet .4.

Today has been very busy  for those involved in  'Mission brassica'. The astrochefs and chainsaw experts had to stop work as they were exhausted and stocks of ice-cream were running low. After a short rest the crew started to prepare for there return to earth. Splash down will be in the North Sea off Flamborough head this afternoon in time for tea and scones.

Mission control has reported that The cauli of doom has been successfully diverted off its course and will miss the earth and hopefully not hit the moon, which could cause a devastating cauliflower cheese cloud if this was to happen. 

Brassica Threatens Planet .3.

 

The rocket undertaking 'Mission Brassica' was successfully launched today as planned. We have just been informed that the rocket has landed safely on the cauli and the crew are in the process of removing various parts of the greenery and some of the florets. This is hot and demanding work requiring great skill as the stability of the cauli is unpredictable. To assist in the comfort and refreshment of the crew they have been provided with iced tea and toasted teacakes with lashings of butter and jam. Calvados and raisin ice cream has also been provided.

 

These are anxious times, but the trade in deep fried potato products in the harbour area of Bridlington has not abated due to the sunny weather. A local man said, 'that it was better not to think about the possible impending doom and we should just carry on as normal'.

 

Brassica Threatens Planet .2.

After yesterdays realisation that the world is in imminent threat of being broadsided by a large cauliflower, and even though today is August bank holiday, various technical experts and engineers have been contacted. Sunning themselves on the beach and eating ice cream had to stop to prepare a rocket for launch. A spokesperson from the Fraisethorpe Astro Drome launch site said that a team of astrochefs and chainsaw professionals were also getting ready.

The ECO friendly rocket powered by waste chip oil from the near by resort of Bridlington, will be due to launch at midday tomorrow.  "Mission Brassica" will hopefully be the solution to the impending annihilation, the rocket is intended  to land on the stalk of the cauli,  where the crew will commence removing some of the outer leaves and florets, which should hopefully change its course.

Gargantuan Brassica Threatens Planet

It has recently come to my notice that a major sprout shower has been seen in the southern sky over Bridlington at approximately 0300 am this morning, August Bank Boxing Day Thursday Eve. Watchers who have studied these extraordinary events are reasonably certain that a large cauliflower may be hidden by the intensity of the sprout shower and is travelling to earth at some speed. A local to the area said, "This is a worrying development as the wife and I are expected to be at a boiled beef and carrot luncheon tomorrow with lots of other discerning foodie types".

Experts in the field of cauli-like brassica are of the opinion that it may not hit for some weeks. A spokesperson said that it will be sometime before the exact location of impact can be ascertained and not to panic buy goods such as gravy granules and other fine comestibles.